Showing posts with label Weather. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Weather. Show all posts
Thursday, May 16, 2019
Monday, April 1, 2019
Friday, February 8, 2019
Blue Bird of Happiness
It's Friggin' Freezing.
There's snow up my ass,
all the food's covered with 3 feet of this white shit,
and you want ME to sing?
What??
Anne Murray's
"Snowbird"?
Piss Off!!
Next year, I'm flyin' to Jamaica,
and smokin’ dope!!
Sunday, November 25, 2018
Monday, June 18, 2018
Sunday, April 15, 2018
Sunday, January 7, 2018
Blue Bird of Happiness!
BLUE BIRD OF HAPPINESS, MY ASS!
It's Friggin' Freezing.
There's snow up my ass,
All the food's covered
With 3 feet of this white shit,
And you want ME to sing?
What??
Anne Murray's "Snowbird"?
Piss Off!!
Next year, I'm flyin' to Jamaica, and smokin’ dope!!
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Cold Hands
A couple decided to go to Alaska for a romantic weekend.
When they got to the cabin it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place.
He came in after 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, so she said her put your hands between my thighs to warm them.
So he did and went back outside to finish chopping wood.
He came in after another 5 minutes and said " honey my hands are cold again".
So she tells him here put your hands between my thighs to warm them.
So he did and then he went back out to chop some more wood.
5 minutes has passed and he went in again and said, "honey my hands are cold again".
She then said, " Damn don't your ears ever get cold?"
When they got to the cabin it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place.
He came in after 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, so she said her put your hands between my thighs to warm them.
So he did and went back outside to finish chopping wood.
He came in after another 5 minutes and said " honey my hands are cold again".
So she tells him here put your hands between my thighs to warm them.
So he did and then he went back out to chop some more wood.
5 minutes has passed and he went in again and said, "honey my hands are cold again".
She then said, " Damn don't your ears ever get cold?"
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Forecasting the Weather
Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing.
He called the royal weather forecaster and enquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours.
The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.
So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.
On the way he met a farmer on his donkey.
Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".
The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way."
So he continued on his way.
However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once!
Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.
The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."
So the king hired the donkey.
And so began the practice of hiring stupid asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.
He called the royal weather forecaster and enquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours.
The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.
So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.
On the way he met a farmer on his donkey.
Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".
The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way."
So he continued on his way.
However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once!
Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.
The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."
So the king hired the donkey.
And so began the practice of hiring stupid asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
They Walk Among Us
Our own Meredith from New Twist, After All These Years sent these to me. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did! 
IDIOT SIGHTING
I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00.
I said "May I have large bills, please."
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir; all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her...
IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!’
His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MN
IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair service since.
IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, ‘You gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
-- >From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
IDIOT SIGHTING
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.’
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a"
Leah??
NO
Lee - A??
NOPE
Lay - a??
NO
Lei??
Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this,please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.
STAY ALERT
They walk among us...and they VOTE and REPRODUCE!!
Thanks Mere…these were great!
Sending lots of prayers and positive energy for those of you in the US upper Midwest and Northeast who are forecast for more snow. Hope you and yours stay safe and warm!
IDIOT SIGHTING
I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00.
I said "May I have large bills, please."
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir; all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her...
IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!’
His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MN
IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.
He said, 'NO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair service since.
IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
She said, ‘You gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
-- >From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
IDIOT SIGHTING
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.’
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a"
Leah??
NO
Lee - A??
NOPE
Lay - a??
NO
Lei??
Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this,please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.
STAY ALERT
They walk among us...and they VOTE and REPRODUCE!!
Thanks Mere…these were great!
Sending lots of prayers and positive energy for those of you in the US upper Midwest and Northeast who are forecast for more snow. Hope you and yours stay safe and warm!
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Diary of a Snow Shoveler…
Dedicated to those of our blogland family in the Northeast US…sending prayers and positive energy that all y’all stay safe and warm!
December 8: 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. I shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry; we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. I bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt ’til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23
Only 2″ of snow today, and it warmed up to “0”. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.
December 24
6″. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the Goddamn snowplow.
December 25
Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9″ predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
December 8: 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. I shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry; we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8″ last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. I bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska, after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate it when she’s right. I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity’s back on, but had another 14″ of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt ’til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel, and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter; but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.
December 23
Only 2″ of snow today, and it warmed up to “0”. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts!!! Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.
December 24
6″. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the Goddamn snowplow.
December 25
Merry F!=3D@x@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. 9″ predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Courtesy of Sun Gazing
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Lightning
Here are some awesome pictures of massive lightening bolts striking a few of your favorite landmarks.
#10 Space Needle
By the nature of its name the Space Needle is kind of asking for some attention from above, and as you can see above didn't hold anything back with this massive lightning bolt. The Space Needle is basically useless and just a tourist attraction, but it's a really awesome one. Given how much tourism it garners it's crazy there aren't Space Needles in every city.
#9 Burj Khalifa
Here's the tallest building in the world being brought down to size by a gargantuan lightning bolt. During this lightning shower the building, located in Dubai, was hit repeatedly by a flurry of bolts. And some good Samaritan was even kind enough to take photos...what a sweetheart.
#8 Eiffel Tower
The Eiffel Tower was originally hated by snobby Parisians and almost taken down before it became Paris' trademark building. Eiffel figured the Parisians might hate it so he gave it radio transmitting capabilities. During World War I it was heavily relied upon which prevented the government from tearing it down. (Eiffel 1, Parisians 0)
#7 Statue of Liberty
The Statue of Liberty is meant to welcome immigrants to America, but I doubt this is the type of traveler its architect had in mind. The statue is 305 feet high, which makes the lightning bolt roughly a whole lot bigger. Nature really does have a way of humbling mankind.
#6 The Grand Canyon
Alright this one isn't man-made but it's probably the most impressive of them all. The term "Lightning Storm" is a massive understatement for what's going on here. It's almost as if Zeus dropped his quiver of bolts and they all fell to the earth at once. What an awesome sight.
#5 The Vatican
What? How did you think God communicated with the pope, by phone? No silly, God uses lightning bolts and then the pope responds using smoke signals. It's a very flawed system but the church is definitely not known for changing things up.
#4 Empire State Building
I think Zeus' grandson threw this lightning bolt, and he's clearly still jut a beginner. I mean, this looks like a five year old trying to write in cursive. Nonetheless, it's a massive bolt of energy hitting one of the world's most famous buildings, which is neat.
#3 Willis Tower
You've never heard of the Willis Tower in Chicago??? Yeah me neither this is just an awesome photo that demanded to be included in the slideshow. I hope Willis watches his back because I think Zeus is none-too-pleased with him at the moment.
#2 Bay Bridge
The Bay Bridge is kind of the forgotten sibling of the more famous and pretty Golden Gate Bridge. That being said it's actually much more crucial as it connects Oakland to San Francisco, as opposed to the Golden Gate which connects San Francisco with the suburb of Marin. Either way, I bet that bolt didn't feel too good.
#1 George Washington Bridge
Bridges are by nature kind of sketchy contraptions, but if you add in massive lightning bolts raining from the sky it becomes even a bit worse. That one big-papa bolt looks like it was sent down by Zeus and intended precisely for the bridge. To its credit the bridge held up alright, and it made for a great photo opportunity.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Here’s something to hold you over until you open your wine.
Not this one!!!!
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