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Monday, July 16, 2018

Men Are Just Happy People!

Have previously posted the following but couldn't resist sharing again when Meredith's Jack sent this. Hope you enjoy!

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This needs no explanation - and is a fun read, no matter your gender.

Men Are Just Happier People!

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons.   You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.   You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!


NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.


EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.


MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337 A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

So, send this to the women who have a sense of humor …. and to the men who will enjoy reading.
 

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Who Let These Folks Out?

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. 

She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" 

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff"

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I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. 

I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,7 days a week."

He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" 

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific"

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My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. 

She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving.

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My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it’s designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

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My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. 

Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. 

The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. 

My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" 

I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. 

She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.

"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

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While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. 

He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. 

He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6."


Friday, July 13, 2018

Trailer For Sale


Listen to the following if ya don't get it...

Here's the YouTube link if you can't get the video to play.