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Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy New Year!


“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.   

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world.  

You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. 

Make New Mistakes. 

Make glorious, amazing mistakes. 

Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. 

Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”


Sunday, December 30, 2012

An Awesome American

As we get ready to start a new year, many of us are reflecting on the past year of our personal lives - where we've been, where we've succeeded, where we've failed, where we want to go and grow, and what we want to achieve.  We've also witnessed some really bad things happening in this world that have made some wonder about the future.  

I wanted to start the New Year on a positive note so I'm posting the article below that was shared on my Facebook page by a friend. May it bring a smile to your face and hope to your heart as it did to mine.
Remember this next time you walk up to the ticket window of your local movie theater with $10 in your hand.

The Media (accidentally?) missed this one!

Please read this: The troops overseas would like you to send it to everybody you know.

Subject: Denzel Washington and Brooks Army Medical Center.

Denzel Washington

Don't know whether you heard about this but Denzel Washington and his family visited the troops at Brooks Army Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas, (BAMC) the other day. This is where soldiers who have been evacuated from Germany come to be hospitalized in the United States , especially burn victims.

There are some buildings there called Fisher Houses. The Fisher House is a hotel
where soldiers' families can stay, for little or no charge, while their soldier is in the hospital. BAMC has quite a few of these houses on base, but as you can imagine, they are almost filled most of the time.

While Denzel Washington was visiting BAMC, they gave him a tour of one of
the Fisher Houses. He asked how much one of them would cost to build. He took his checkbook out and wrote a check for the full amount right there on the spot.

The soldiers overseas were amazed to hear this story and want to get the word out to the American public, because it warmed their hearts to hear it.

The question is - why do:
Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Tom Cruise and other Hollywood fluff
make front page news with their ridiculous antics, and Denzel Washington's Patriotism doesn't even make page 3 in the Metro section of any newspaper except the local newspaper in San Antonio!?

Courtesy of

My hat is off to Denzel Washington…an awesome American! 

Wishing all of you a Wonderful and Blessed New Year!


Saturday, December 29, 2012

The Moral of the Story

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment...
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.

One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.


Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.

We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah.

Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.

Aunt Karen is a Apache helicopter pilot in Afghanistan and one day her helicopter was hit with a rocket.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a knife.

She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 Taliban troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the knife until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the HELL away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

Good advice!  


Friday, December 28, 2012

At the Movies

An old farmer went to town to see a movie.

When he arrived at the ticket booth, the ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"

The old farmer said, "That there is my pet rooster, Chuck.  Wherever I go, Chuck goes."

"I'm sorry sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his overalls.

He returned to the ticket booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. 

He sat in the only empty seat, next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and soon the rooster began to squirm.

The old farmer was compelled to unbutton his fly so that Chuck could stick his head out and watch the movie. 

"Marge," whispered Mildred.

"What?" said Marge.

"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."

"What gives you that idea?" asked Marge.

"He undid his pants and has his thing out," whispered Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it," said Marge. "At our age, you've seen one, you've seen 'em all."

"I thought so, too," admitted Mildred, "but this one's eatin' my popcorn!"


Thursday, December 27, 2012


The following is a bit of a rant so if you don’t want to read it, feel free to skip on down and read the giggle I have for you.

I have received several emails from people who have taken offense to comments I have left on other blogs. I have respectfully responded to those who seem to actually want a conversation and have ignored those that use foul language and just attack.  

I’m beginning to think that the nastier emails are from the same few, possibly group of, people because the email addresses are bogus. The following is the latest ‘bogus’ email I received.  Of course, there was no signature on this email or any of the others. Go figure…  

I have copied/pasted the email so the spelling and word usage are the original. I did insert *’s in the vulgar words as the author had spelled them out and I really don’t want that kind of language on my blog.
I have seen you all over the different blogs giving unwanted and b*llsh*t advice to wives and girlfriends.  You even have the b*lls to dare to give advice to the HoH’s but nowhere do I find any information about you. Who the f*ck are you? What right do you have to open your f*cking big mouth and give anyone else advice when no one knows anything about your life? You don’t post anything on your blog about your personal life you f*cking *itch. Ooh yea, I forgot, you posted somewhere that you had been in an abusive relationship boohoo for you. Are you even involved in a TTWD relationship? Are you a f*cking d*ke *itch with no c*ck? Why don’t you just delete your cr*ppy b*llsh*t pretendshious blog and stick a big a** d*ldoe in your mouth and go petal your fony blessings some place else.
I have decided to respond on my blog this one time. 

To the trolls who keep sending these emails, my personal life is none of your business. If you do not like my comments, don’t read them…see how simple that is. My blog is what I want to share, again, if you don’t like it…don’t read it. So very simple… From now on, I will delete your email without reading it.   If you leave nasty comments on my blog, I will turn moderation back on and delete your comments.  Here’s your sign…

Some of my friends know parts of my life, some know most and some don’t know any (they haven’t asked LOL).  I shared my past in some chats but really don’t remember who knows which partI received an email the other day with some questions from a friend and a Christmas card from another friend addressed to me and hubby which made me realize that some of my friends may need a bit more infoSo, for my curious friends, you can click 'My Life' under 'Pages' on the top right of the blog.   

Otherwise, just enjoy the following giggle.

A Fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go. 
"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. 

When say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. 

And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night."
The next night he came home from work and yelled, "BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off. 
When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed. 
When he yelled "BELL 3!", they began making love. 
After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!" 

"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband? 

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Dumb Laws in Alabama

Many of the laws below have been verified, but many have been taken from websites that do not include law citations. The laws have been taken from newsgroups, websites,  and visitor comments to various sites. All of the following are true as far as I know but not sure how many are still on the books.

Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
Incestuous marriages are legal. (OMG – no thank you!)
It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horses.
It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday. (????)
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. (What fake mustache doesn’t cause laughter?)
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death. (Death? Sheesh!)
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. (How about not at all! Yuck!!!)
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
You must have windshield wipers on your car. (And working, I would hope.)
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time. (And why would I want to?)
Masks may not be worn in public. (Well there goes Halloween)
Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men. (LOL)
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. (Well I would hope so!)

City Laws in Alabama


You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street. (Oops Smile)


No person may spit on the floor of a church.
Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail. (So wondering how they get deflowered Smile )


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Just a Woman?

And if ya don't remember, I'll be more than happy to remind you. LOL

Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas


Nollaig shona Duit!

Happy Christmas!

Christmas Blessing:
May peace and plenty be the first
To lift the latch to your door,
And happiness be guided to your home
By the candle of Christmas.

Wishing you a loving, laughing, hugging, cuddling, blessed, very Merry Christmas.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Christmas Eve…

dont like my flying

off the the schmidt house

she said he heard

 She Said, He Heard.  ROFL

Christmas TMI

Have a Happy and Wonderful Christmas Eve!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Buying Stamps

It's a bit blurry so I've re-typed the joke below:

A blonde goes to the post office to buy
stamps for her Christmas cards.
She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this?
Give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 Baptists."

Hope this gives you a bit of a grin.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Christmas With Louise

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. "Love Dolls" come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd never heard of. I settled for "Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What in the hell is that?" she asked.

My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."

"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.

I kept my mouth shut.

"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said, to steer her into dining room.

But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"

I told him she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise.

Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well.

We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning.

Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.

The cat screamed.

I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.  

I can't wait until next Christmas. 


Thursday, December 20, 2012

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

More Christmas Giggles

santas not real

I think I will redo my Christmas tree like this

I think I will redo my Christmas tree like this!


Merry Closer to Christmas!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Christmas Giggles

bah humbug

Hear me ROAR!

santas got enough reindeer

santa saw your facebook

Merry Almost Christmas!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Naughty, Naughty

 Two guys and a girl?
Two girls and a guy?
Three girls?
Three guys?
Who the heck can tell!

 Hey buddy, you're supposed to be guarding the sheep...

Hey fella, she's big and beautiful but she's not real...

 How Easter eggs are made?



 No, no, no - the dog is supposed to be chasing the coon...



Saturday, December 15, 2012

The Bus

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. 
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested...

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied,
'Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' .... I just lost it!

Case dismissed! 
Courtesy of Adults Uncensored

Calling All Angels

In honor of the 20 littlest angels and the 6 angels who gave their lives trying to protect all the children.


Oh, a man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries
and high above you can hear
the church bells start to ring
and as the heaviness, oh the heaviness, the body settles in
somewhere you can hear a mother sing

then it's one foot then the other
as you step out onto the road of hope
step out on the road
how much weight? how much?
then it's how long? and how far?
and how many times oh, before it's too late?

calling all angels calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels calling all angels
we're tryin' and we're hopin'
but we're not sure how...

ah, and every day you gaze upon the sunset
with such love and intensity
why it's ah, it's almost as
if you could only crack the code
then you'd finally understand what this all means

ah, but if you you think you would
trade in all, all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you'd miss
the beauty of the light upon this earth
and the sweetness of the leaving

calling all angels calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels calling all angels
we're tryin' and we're hopin'
but we're not sure...

calling all angels calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels calling all angels
we're tryin' we're hopin'
we're hurtin' we're lovin'

Friday’s events in Connecticut are incomprehensible. There is no way to make sense of something like this.

The only thing we can do is to act on the lesson to be learned from this tragedy. Live your life to the fullest, make sure your family and friends know how much they are loved, treat everyone with a warm heart, kind words, a gentle smile and never, ever taking anyone or anything for granted.

Find something today for which you can be sincerely grateful and show your appreciation.

Find someone today whom you can encourage and lift them up.

Find a task today that needs to be done and then take it upon yourself to do it.

Find something you can learn today and add it to your knowledge.

Find something you can enjoy, and take pure delight in it.

Find a few moments of quiet peace and just let yourself be.

Find a challenge and let it energize you.

Find something new and creative to wonder at and admire.

Find something timeless and venerable to respect.

There is treasure in every moment, around every corner. Look for it. Find it. Live it. Be it. Fill today with special treasures, every chance you get.

Sending prayers and thoughts of peace and healing to all.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Cuckoo Clock

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Uh Oh!!!!!!  How many rules did she just break?!?  Think someone is going to end up with a very, very sore and red bottom...

UPDATE:  Hey everyone please stop worrying!  This is a joke that was sent to me.  No one I know actually did this!!!!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Southern Women Say

Thanks to TL for reminding me about the 'Southern Women' videos on YouTube.  Below are just two of them, there are plenty more if you want to look for them. ;)

Callie – pay attention!

Unfortunately, this is a bit blurry so I've copied the caption below. Southern Girls

When you hear them say "Ah hell no..." you better run.

Y’all come back now, ya heah. LOL

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Things You Will Never Hear a Southerner Say…

That’s the Southern United States if y’all hadn’t figured that one out.


Monday, December 10, 2012

The First Day of School

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit.

fruit basket-litte girl


The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

bouqet of flowers


The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

box of candy


Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. 

gift box

The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.

She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it wine?" she guessed.

"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?"

"No," said the little boy.............

"It's a puppy!"

puppy in box


Guess that will teach her…



Sunday, December 9, 2012

Kinky Sex

Guess “50 Shades…” has impacted more than just vanilla housewives.  LOL


Harvard recognizes group promoting safe kinky sex


harvard university campus

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. (AP) - Kinky sex has been admitted to Harvard.

The nation's oldest university has formally recognized Harvard College Munch, a group promoting discussions and safe practices of kinky and alternative sex. The school has no record of a similar group being recognized in its 376-year history.

The Committee on Student Life recognized Munch on Friday, making it one of 400 independent student organizations on campus. The decision occurred more than a year after members began meeting informally over meals.

"Applications for recognition are decided by a student-faculty committee following the review of a committee composed of students and administrators," Harvard spokesman Jeff Neal said in a statement Tuesday. "The college does not endorse the views or activities of any independent student organization."

Harvard is not the first school in the country to formally recognize kinky sex groups, and several active groups exist within the larger community in Cambridge and neighboring Boston.

Read the entire story here

harvard university

Whoda thunk it! Winking smile