Thoughts

An Englishman in France

A little French/English police humor:
 
This happened in France to an Englishman who was totally drunk.
 
The French policeman stops his Jaguar and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.
 
With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank...


champagne

 





 
and a few bottles of wine at the reception









  
and a quite few glasses of single malt there after. 

 

 

Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he is going to be arrested.
 
 
The Englishman answers with humour:   No sir, I do not!   But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving...on the other bloody side???

  

Expanded Answers

One of the questions asked by Terpsichore during our March Q&A  was “Have you painted anything recently and what did you paint and what materials did you use?“  After I answered that I had painted a few, I received a few requests to post some of my paintings…so here are a few new and old.

Harmony

Housewarming gift for friend

Bum in blue
Gift for a friend

Bubbles!

What a Wonderful World-Harmony


 

Day

Night

Gift for my brother (previously shared)

Bum in Turquoise

Oopsie painting

Kneeling in Red, Yellow and Grey
Gift for friend

Welcome

(in progress)

So for those of you who asked…here ya go!

BTW…March may be designated Q&A month but you are free to ask questions anytime you like!  Ya really don’t have to wait for March to come around again.  LOL

Buildings You May Not Believe…

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

  

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apartment complex in Tokyo

 

 

Stone House in Portugal

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some are awesome, some are interesting, and some ya just have to say “What in the heck were they thinking of?”  LOL

Need a Drink

A Biker walks into a bar, he takes a seat at the bar and growls: 
"Bartender!  Get me a drink!"

The bartender obliges, and the biker scarfs down the drink.   


Slamming the glass down on the bar, he growls: 
"Bartender! Get me another!"


The bartender pours him another drink. 

***************************************************************************************

After a few more rounds, the bartender attempts some conversation: 
"Sir, he says, it seems that you're visibly upset. What's the problem?" 


The biker looks at him and snorts: 
"I just went home and caught my ol' lady screwing my best friend!"


"Oh man," says the bartender, “that's rough…What did you do?" 


The biker says:
"Well, I grabbed her by the hair, threw her out nekkid, threw her clothes out after her, and told her never EVER to come back."


"Wow," says the bartender in awe: "That's tough man, what did you do to your friend?"


"Well," says the biker, "I marched right back upstairs, I grabbed HIM by the scruff of the neck, and I said: BAD DOG."

I Don’t Care!

 

 

 

Yes, I really do and no, I really do not care who sees me. 

 

 

Yes, I also sing at the top of my lungs and no, I can’t carry a tune!    LOL

 

 

15 Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies

1. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

 
2. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

 
3. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

 
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

 
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts…your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

 
6. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

 
7. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

 
8. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

 
9. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

 
10. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

 
11. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

 
12. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

 
13. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on. 

 
14. Your car will work perfectly…until you need to get away from a killer, then that car will not move without at least 3 attempts to start the engine.

 
15. Shouting out "Is there anyone there" will not entice a murderer to say, "hey how ya doin, I'm here to kill you"
 

Courtesy of Anyone Can Be Cool, But Awesome Takes Practice

 

The Lawyer

Another oldie but goodie courtesy of our beloved Ami of Ami's Star Song.
 

A lawyer boarded a plane in Halifax, Canada, with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blond stewardess to take care of them for him. 


She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. 


He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. 



Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behaviour. 



Shortly before landing in Toronto , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in Halifax, please raise your hand?"


Not one hand went up...

...So she took them home and ate them!


Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most people think.