Quick Update and Giggle

Hey y'all...I'm talking on my phone so not sure how this is going to come through. My inbox is full and I know I owe a lot of you responses but it's been a bad week. For those of you who didn't know my brother passed away on 31st of May, a lot sooner then what we thought. We had his memorial service Monday and internment Tuesday and I've had to try and support my mama through all of this and then I had my surgery yesterday. I'm doing okay just in a lot of pain and very woozy so hope this is making sense and coming out right. I didn't want all y'all to think I was ignoring you and I will try to respond to all your emails and messages just as soon as I can. For those of you that have my numbers you're welcome to call or text I'll try to answer I'm just not talking with a full deck at the moment. Anyway on to the show. Take care y'all hugs and blessings...Cat.

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It was breakfast time at the Smiths' house. Linda turned to her husband Frank with an irritated look and said: "I bet you don't remember what today is!"
 
"Of course I remember!" declared Frank, and hastily left for work.
 
When he reached his office, he immediately went to his best friend's office and shouted: "Mark, you have to help me - I think it's my wife's birthday today and I completely forgot about it!"
 
Mark calmed him down and opined that he should send his wife several gifts throughout the day. "That way there is no way she'll realize you just remembered. Besides, pick the right gifts and you'll have a very happy woman on your hands..."

Frank immediately goes and does exactly that, sending his wife a beautiful dress, her favorite perfume and even some sexy lingerie, each delivered to the house every few hours.
 
When evening came, Frank return to the house beaming with pride, and met his wife standing with a huge smile on her face. "First the beautiful dress, then the perfume I like so much, and then even some sexy lingerie! You really surprised me my love!"
 
"Think nothing on it my love, happy-"
 
"I never thought I'd wear such beautiful clothes to pick my mother up from the airport!"

Courtesy of BabaMail

Learning New Words

A missionary who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be self-sufficient gets word that he is to return home. 
 
He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." 
 
The missionary is pleased with the response.


 
They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock." The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. 
 
As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy sexual activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds, "Riding a bike." 
 
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them. 
 
The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?

 
"My bike."

Courtesy of BabaMail

The Sinking Friends

Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking.

Saul the banker says to Morty, "So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well."

Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid, so Morty begins tugging Saul toward shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. 
 

Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, "So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?" 


Saul replies, "Morty, this is a hell of a time to be asking for money!"
 

Courtesy of BabaMail

Better Marriage

11 Ways To Radically Accept Your Spouse, For A WAY Better Marriage
 



So worth the effort!

Marriage and change go hand-in-hand.

It's no wonder that traditional marital vows are literally all about how spouses need to support and accept one another, no matter what circumstances come their way.

Even if you don't change your last name or where you live, getting married is a major change!
And life changes, no matter how positive or welcome, still can rock your self-esteem and sense of confidence.

You may also start to notice things in your partner that you never had before.
As you continue to solidify and form a new identity with the one you love, hyper-critical thinking can set in. And that's where strain really takes hold of an otherwise happy, healthy marriage.

Believe it or not, all marriages, no matter how strong, or deeply connected, will experience strain when change happens.

THIS is why couples benefit so much when they introduce the concept of Radical Acceptance into their relationship.
If you're unfamiliar with the concept, you can get a great introduction to it in Andrea Miller's new book, Radical Acceptance: The Secret to Happy, Lasting Love. It offers a relatable, actionable five-step plan to help couples realize the long-term benefits to introducing more empathy and compassion into their marriage.

It's both a selfless and a selfish act, because the act of empathizing with your spouse ends up making it a lot easier to empathize with yourself too.

And the individuals who learn how to radically accept their spouse and grow together despite it all — they end up having longer, happier marriages.

On top of that, our YourTango Experts have some serious insights on how accepting your spouse can lead to a more fulfilling marriage.
 
Here are 11 ideas for how you can introduce radical acceptance into your relationship. It will be SO worth it.
 
1.  The more you love yourself, the stronger your marriage will be.
“Unconditional love needs to be given ‘first to yourself’ before you can give it to your partner.

Self-love in a successful marriage is not a luxury, but a necessity. Loving yourself without judgment or condition is the cornerstone from which you build any serious long lasting, loving connection and relationship with someone else, certainly your partner in life.”

Danielle Sax is a coach, mentor, speaker and author who loves and lives her purpose and walks the talk. To discover more simple-but-powerful steps to activate conscious self-care and self-love and set healthy boundaries for yourself, visit Danielle’s website. 
 
 
2.  Understanding yourself can help you be more empathetic towards your spouse.
“Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are, and as we know even trying to change small things about ourselves is a huge challenge, so then why would one think that they can change something about their spouse?

Accepting the person you married is truly about not trying to change them. If you don’t like a behavior the only way to impact that is to change your response to that behavior because that will be a lot easier than thinking that you can change them.

Example:  He never picks up his clothing, and I am left doing that, I have asked him so many times and he just won’t do it. Instead, you can try a different approach or a new response, but the same response over and over gets the same results over and over... 
 
Accepting a person for who they are can also set you free because you then realize that you don’t have any control over them, just choices that you make about being with them.”

Dr. Dawn Michael is a certified clinical sexologist and relationship expert with a private practice in Thousand Oaks CA.  She has been working with couples for 19 years.  In addition to her practice she is an author, public speaker, and sex educator.  You can find her at www.thehappyspouse.com as well as her YouTube channel.  
 
 
3. Accept that people communicate love in different ways.
“To outrageously improve your marriage, accept and appreciate out loud that your partner shows his love by making sure all the light bulbs work, the bills are paid and the coffee is made (even if you’d really feel loved if he’d sit and talk with you).

Prioritize what’s important to her simply because it’s important to her (even if you feel she’s too anxious about being on time).

Accept that his initiating sex is his way of reaching out to connect (not because he just wants to satisfy his sexual appetite and is ignoring the emotional distance between the two of you).”

Deborah Fox, MSW is a couples therapist and Certified Sex Therapist helping couples reconnect and find their way back to a passionate relationship. Visit Deborah on her website, follow her blog on YourTango, or if you’re in the DC Metro area, call her at 202-363-1740 to discuss if she can be of help to you.
 
 
4. Remind yourself that you are different people who share the same marriage.
“Judgement sins, are like a knife. They ruin everything. Enhance romance, through melodic tones. Find a beautiful sonata with tones that describe endearing qualities your love possesses.

Frequent listening invokes remembrance, appreciation, and enjoyment of his or her goodness. At times, when one feels overwhelmed, irresistible attributes are forgotten.

Continuing in this pattern presents a difficulty. Admiration through soulful melodic vibrations augments the love frequency for those who believe that marital bliss is all about loving. The resulting acceptance changes the pattern, radically.”

Falena Magnussen is an author, religious advisor for young women and editor. Her books are available on Amazon.
 
 
5. Take time to self-reflect.
"If you are constantly asking yourself if you're with the right guy, then YOU are the wrong person for HIM.

That questioning means you are not fully stepping into the relationship.

And each of you deserves to have a partner who is all in."

Heidi Hartston, PhD is a psychologist in private practice in Oakland, CA. You can visit her website or watch her talks on YouTube.
 
 
6. If change must happen, remember you can only change yourself.
"The relentless struggle of trying to change your partner is surely likely to backfire. Despite all good intention, disapproval prevails, and leaves in its path the ruins of resentment".

Katherine Mazza, LMHC is a Couples Therapist in New York City. She is a Relationship Expert providing ongoing education and support for couples at The Relationship Place of NY. Visit her Facebook page and YourTango for articles and blog posts.
 
7. Find reasons to be thankful, and really mean it!
“Accept your spouse by showing more gratitude. Just take a minute right now to appreciate one thing they do in your life that you hate doing yourself.

Being grateful is one of the best ways to keep your loving going strong. But don't just think it, say it! Make sure your spouse knows he/she's got the best partner on the planet.

When the lust fades, show them gratitude for the rest of your days. When the lust fades, offer gratitude in heartfelt ways.”

Lori Peters is a writer, speaker and radio show host on happiness in relationships. Check out her website and make sure to sign up for her Happiness Quick reads at www.happinesshangout.net.
 
 
8. Cultivate your marriage by being a good friend to your spouse. 
“Live every day with a renewed appreciation for him and your love for each other will deepen and strengthen.” “If you have a love–friendship instead of love-hate relationship, it is your friendship with each other that will smooth the rough spots when the love part hits a speed bump.

That’s when you can sit down as supportive friends and talk about what’s happening to the marriage, and how to make it right again.

Radical acceptance means loving him without borders or boundaries. There is no ‘but’ or ‘maybe’ or ‘if’; it means you include him into your heart because loving him is paramount to loving yourself.”

Margot Brown has helped couples and individuals create happier lives for 20 years. She’s the author of: “Kickstart Your Relationship Now! Move On or Move Out” You can find it on Amazon or in a local bookstore near you.
 
 
9. Enjoy the diversity you both bring to the marriage.
"Let go of the fantasy image of your spouse that you hold in your head. When you compare a real live human being to the perfect one in your mind, they will always come up lacking.

Instead, focus on having gratitude for the real person in your life — for the traits and quirks they have that you love, and also for the things you don't love and how these may be helping you to grow and mature.

Most of us hold within us an unrealistic ideal, and when this clashes with reality then we end up suffering. A happy marriage is one where you see your partner for who they truly are rather than as you wished they would be."

Mia Von Scha is a life coach who works with parents to steer them on their family adventure, guiding them through relationship, child raising and life challenges. Join the journey and get Mia's Top 5 Parenting Survival Tools free!
 
 
10. Allow room for growth, for both you and your partner.
“Marriage is a committed partnership in which we often expect our loved ones to change or evolve at the same pace we do.

Accepting our partners will undergo personal growth in their own time and in their own way requires true patience.

But is essential as it provides the unconditional love they require from us to be successful in their transition.”

Michelle Tajudeen is a certified Coach with the International Coaching Federation and Founder of MetaCC Incorporated. You can follow her blog on YourTango or learn more about her on her website.
 
 
11. Grow together.
“Acceptance is the answer to all my problems." —The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Acceptance of another person’s point of view is the beginning of respectful and effective communication. Acceptance does not necessarily mean agreement, however, saying “I hear you and understand what you are saying,” opens the door to being heard as well.

Once both legitimate perspectives are on the table, we can begin to resolve issues. Men and women have different ways of looking at things.

These perspectives, while not the same, can be compatible.

Radical acceptance clears the way for resolution, reduces defensiveness and allows a relationship to deepen and bloom, even during difficult periods of stress.”
 

Courtesy of Your Tango

Seeing a Therapist Together

An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, went to a relations therapist's office.
 
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" 
The man said, "Will you watch us have intercourse?" 
 
The doctor raised both eyebrows, but he was so amazed that such an elderly couple was asking for advice that he agreed.


Image courtesy of Depositphotos
 
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." 
 
He thanked them for coming, wished them good luck, charged them $50 and said good bye. 
 
The next week, the same couple returned and asked the therapist to watch again. The therapist was a bit puzzled, but agreed.


Image courtesy of Depositphotos
 
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. 
 
Finally, after three months of this routine, the doctor said, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
 
The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married; so we can't go to her house. I'm married; and we can't go to my house. 
 
The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and best of all....


source

"Medicare pays $43 of it!"

Courtesy of BabaMail

The Best of George Carlin Quotes

For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity, here are a few statements to ponder by a very clever comedian with a knack for the spoken (and written) word. George Carlin enjoyed a successful 30-year-career of making people howl with laughter, and is known by many as the grandfather of stand up comedy. He was also voted the best comedian in history by his fellow comedians.

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts, but as mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?



12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?



23. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
24. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
25. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
26. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
27. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
28. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
29. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
30. The older you get, the better you realize you were.
31. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
32. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
33. Women like silent men, they think they're listening.



34. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
35. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
36. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
37. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
38. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
39. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
40. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
41. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
42. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
43. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
44. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Courtesy of BabaMail

Library Conversation

Another very funny giggle from Meredith's Jack,…
 
A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded library. He asked a girl in a university library:
Do you mind if I sit beside you?

The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”
 
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.

 
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said with a laugh:
"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”

The guy then responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ... . . THAT'S ROBBERY!”
 
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

 
 
The guy then whispered in her ear: "I study law: I know how to screw people."

Loving a Strong Woman

20 Things To Remember If You Love A Strong Woman
 


If you love a strong woman in your life, you might take a look at this list of 20 things to remember about her remarkable power, grace, and complexity. Keep in mind the strength of the other women who also touch your life and the lives of others.

20 THINGS TO REMEMBER IF YOU LOVE A STRONG WOMAN
 
1. A STRONG WOMAN HOLDS HERSELF TO A HIGHER STANDARD
Our laws may be in place for the rest of society to know what is right and wrong, but a strong woman lives by higher standards than those. She rises to the challenge that it means to take the high road in any situation.

2. SHE VALUES INTEGRITY
If you love a strong woman, she is a woman of honor and integrity. She does the right thing and sets an example for others in her words and behavior.

3. A STRONG WOMAN IS SELF-AWARE
The strong woman that you love knows herself very well, inside and out. She may surprise you from time to time, but she rarely surprises herself unless it is by proving that she is stronger than she thought she was.

4. SHE IS WORKING ON HER FLAWS AND SHE EXPECT YOUR TO DO THE SAME
A strong woman can accept that she is not perfect, and she has identified those things about herself that she wants to improve. She is taking action to make herself a better person every day, and if you want to remain the love of her life, you need to step up and do the same in order to keep pace with her.

5. A STRONG WOMAN EXPECTS YOU TO ACT WITH KINDNESS, LIKE SHE DOES
Women have an innate social tendency to be kind to those who are weaker than themselves, including animals, children, and the elderly and they look lovingly upon those who also let kindness guide their actions.

6. SHE HAS BETTER SOCIAL SKILLS THAN YOU DO
A Cambridge University study showed that as early as the age of one year old, female children make more eye contact with their parents than male children do. The researchers say that this is evidence of the superiority of female social skills, which have been shown in previous research.

7. A STRONG WOMAN IS SENSITIVE TO OTHERS’ EMOTIONS
Researchers at the Department of Psychology at the University of Western Ontario in London, Ontario, Canada say that women have a strong advantage over men when it comes to being able to recognize emotions through subtle facial expressions. In the study, the ‘women were faster than men at recognizing both positive and negative emotions from facial cues’ and had a significantly better rate of recognition than the men did for recognizing negative facial expressions.

8. SHE KNOWS SHE CAN HAVE MORE THAN SHE HAS NOW
A strong woman can have the sun, moon, and stars if she wants them. She just hasn’t decided that she wants them yet.

9. SHE ASKS FOR WHAT SHE NEEDS
If you love a strong woman, know that she will communicate to you in many ways what she needs from you. If you can meet her needs then you are closer to her heart.

10. SHE CAN HANDLE EVERYTHING THAT YOU CAN
Never doubt for a second that the strong woman you love is capable of doing everything that you can do and more.
 
11. A STRONG WOMAN KNOWS HER OWN MIND
When you love a strong woman, be careful not to question her decisions, because she knows what she wants.

12. SHE HAS OVERCOME ADVERSITY AND IT HAS MADE HER STRONGER
 


Her past does not define her, but it has helped shape the strong woman who has your love into the person she is today.
 
13. SHE KNOWS SHE IS VULNERABLE
Women, as the ‘weaker’ sex have their vulnerabilities. Some, but not all woman may be physically less strong than men, but they can also embrace their tender side. A strong woman knows that opening up about her innermost emotional struggles is actually a way of sharing her courage with others.

14. SHE HAS A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
Everyone has their down moments, but the woman that you love can usually find a way to see a lesson in even the most painful setback.
 
15. A STRONG WOMAN DOESN’T NEED YOUR HELP
She is independent, knowledgeable, and determined, and with those traits, the strong woman that you love doesn’t really need your help.

16. SHE KNOWS WHEN TO ASK FOR HELP
Although she doesn’t need your help because she is capable of doing things on her own, the strong woman that you love also recognizes her own shortcomings and can ask for help when she needs it.
 
17. SHE STANDS UP FOR INJUSTICES TOWARD OTHERS
Just as she is kind to others, a strong woman has the courage to stand up to bullies who go after the weak. She sees when others are hurting and she speaks up for them.

18. SHE OWNS UP TO HER ACTIONS
Accountability for her actions is a key trait of the strong woman that you love. She is not afraid to say that she was wrong and apologize if she hurt anyone, but she will also take credit and expect to be recognized for her accomplishments.

19. A STRONG WOMAN HAS A LIMITLESS CAPACITY FOR LOVE
She knows her heart as a bottomless well of love that she can draw from when she needs to give it to others, and she does so freely, with compassion and grace.

20. SHE EXPRESSES HER GRATITUDE
She knows when she has been blessed by the gifts from the universe, and your love is among the things that she counts herself grateful for each day.

Courtesy of Power of Positivity

Their Obsession

A renowned psychologist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their little children.
 
After a few hours of talking and analyzing their words and behavior, he said: "I believe that you all suffer from some obsession." He remarked.


 
He turned to the first mother and said, "You obviously have an obsession with food. You've even named your daughter Candy." 
 
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. And it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny," 
 
He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." 
 
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go".

Courtesy of BabaMail

The Old Farmer

A very funny giggle from Meredith's Jack,…

An old farmer is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise when he sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying a spool of something metallic under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" says the old man.

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset, the boy walks by, dragging behind him 30 chickens caught in the chicken wire.



The next morning, the old man sees the boy walk by carrying a shiny roll of something. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks."

"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset, the boy walks by, trailing behind him 30 ducks caught in a long trail of duct tape.



The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying a branch behind him. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"It's a pussy willow."

"Wait up," says the old man. "I'll get my hat!"