And of course, the worst possible start to a day…
I'll bet you thought it would be something political…
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
What A Bad Day Looks Like
And of course, the worst possible start to a day…
I'll bet you thought it would be something political…
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Mass Deportation
Here’s a giggle that was sent to me by a vanilla friend and our darlin’ Ami over at Ami's Starsong. Enjoy!
To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting senior citizens (instead of illegals) in order to lower pensions and healthcare costs (flu jabs, walkers, wheelchairs, free prescriptions, bus passes, etc.)
The Government has established that older people are easier to catch and, in most cases, will not remember how to get back home.
I started to cry when I thought of you - maybe I'd never see you again.
Then it dawned on me...
I'll see you on the bus!
To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting senior citizens (instead of illegals) in order to lower pensions and healthcare costs (flu jabs, walkers, wheelchairs, free prescriptions, bus passes, etc.)
The Government has established that older people are easier to catch and, in most cases, will not remember how to get back home.
I started to cry when I thought of you - maybe I'd never see you again.
Then it dawned on me...
I'll see you on the bus!
Monday, March 7, 2016
Sunday, March 6, 2016
How Much
Meredith’s Jack over at New Twist, After All These Years is at it again. Hope you enjoy! 
Wonder how expensive they are. LOL
Wonder how expensive they are. LOL
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Questions, Questions, Who has a Question
I'm sure you know by now that March is Q&A month in our little corner of blogland since I'm late to the party. So you should know the rules…ask anything…no guarantee I will answer, but you are definitely free to ask. 
Just remember…
So…What did you expect?
Life is short…smile!
Just remember…
Breast feeding causes public traffic jam…
So…What did you expect?
Life is short…smile!
Friday, March 4, 2016
Join the Gang
A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club, so one day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join.
The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...my bike's parked over there," and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question...have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope...but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
Can we say ouch?!!!!
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join.
The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...my bike's parked over there," and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question...have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope...but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
Can we say ouch?!!!!
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Advice From a Doctor
This was sent to me as actual pieces of advice that were given by a doctor to his patients. Not sure if it’s true or not but sure do like some of his advice! 
Question: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
Answer: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Question: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
Answer: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient Mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Question: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
Answer: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Question: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
Answer: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Question: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
Answer: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Question: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
Answer: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Question: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
Answer: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Question: Is chocolate bad for me?
Answer: Are you crazy? HELLO!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Question: Is swimming good for your figure?
Answer: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Question: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
Answer: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Question: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
Answer: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Question: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
Answer: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient Mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Question: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
Answer: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Question: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
Answer: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Question: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
Answer: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Question: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
Answer: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Question: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
Answer: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Question: Is chocolate bad for me?
Answer: Are you crazy? HELLO!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Question: Is swimming good for your figure?
Answer: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Question: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
Answer: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Sex in the Office
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this attractive girl in his office but she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, “I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.”
The girl looked at him, and then said, “NO!”
Eddie then said, “I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.”
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation.
Her boy friend said, “Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even have time to get his pants down. Call me when it’s over.”
She agreed with her boyfriend, promised to call him, went back to the coworker and accepted his proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the girlfriend calls and her boyfriend asks, “What took you so long?”
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, “The bastard had all quarters!”
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, “I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.”
The girl looked at him, and then said, “NO!”
Eddie then said, “I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.”
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation.
Her boy friend said, “Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even have time to get his pants down. Call me when it’s over.”
She agreed with her boyfriend, promised to call him, went back to the coworker and accepted his proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the girlfriend calls and her boyfriend asks, “What took you so long?”
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, “The bastard had all quarters!”
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
In Church
Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol…
The second worm in cigarette smoke…
Third worm in chocolate syrup…
Fourth worm in good clean soil…
So the Minister asked the congregation, "So, my friends? What did you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said…
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!"
That pretty much ended the service!
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol…
Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke…
Dead!
Third worm in chocolate syrup…
Dead!
Fourth worm in good clean soil…
Alive?!
So the Minister asked the congregation, "So, my friends? What did you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said…
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!"
That pretty much ended the service!
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