The Hospital Bill

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.


The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital.


A rather stern, no-nonsense nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard Loaded with several forms, and a pen.
 
She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
 
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
 
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
 

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
 
He replied, "No money in the bank."
 

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the Irritated nun.
 
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
 

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

 
The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law!"

Happy, Happy Mother’s Day!

Wishing all moms, step moms, soon-to-be moms, surrogate moms and mothers-in-love (an awesome term coined by Ana…highly recommend you go read her beautiful post)  A VERY HAPPY, ABSOLUTELY LOVELY AND LOVING MOTHER’S DAY!

Definition of Service

I used to become confused  whenever I heard the word "Service" being used in the following contexts:

Internal Revenue "Service"

U.S. Postal "Service"

Telephone "Service"

Cable T.V. "Service"

Civil "Service"

State, City, County & Public "Service"

Customer "Service"

This is not what I thought "Service" meant.


But today I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "Service" a few cows.





BAM!!!  It all came into focus.

Next of Kin

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.
 
Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
 

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.



The conversation went like this:


“Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?”


“And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’ Malley at St. Ann ‘s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads to take care of the matter?”


Sergeant Jones, considering himself quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”
 


There was dead silence on the line for a long moment…
 


Father O’Malley then replied: “Aye, ’tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”

Queenie Update

Hey my blogland family and friends…FINALLY heard from our Queenie.

She is having a very rough time in her cancer fight.  She’s feeling down and not wanting to bring us down with her.  *sigh* 

I do believe we need to show her what her friends and family here in blogland are made of!



So I am asking for everyone to share a positive message and/or short giggle to raise her spirits in the comments below and let her know we are still here for her and do not intend to let her go. 

Queenie…here is my message to you!



And here’s a giggle or two…

























And of course any prayers, healing energy, positive thoughts, blessings, whatever you choose to send will be greatly appreciated.



Message from Katie
Hi Queenie, :)  I'm thinking of you, sending love and prayers abound!  Stay strong and know that we are all here for you.

To cheer you, I am thinking of this A.A. Milne quote:  "nobody can be uncheered with a balloon."

So here are some balloons for you! 

Giant hugs and love,

<3 Katie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS...if anyone wants to send a cartoon or inspirational picture, email it to me and I will be happy to update the post with them.

Thank you to all who have left and/or sent a message to cheer our Queenie up.  This post is not closed so feel free to keep posting comments and/or send me anything you would like added to the post.

Mathematics

Here’s another one from our Meredith over at New Twist, After All These Years.  This is an oldie that I had totally forgotten until she shared it…hope you enjoy.

This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 years experience.

It has an indisputable mathematical logic.



This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint…and it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions…If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11
= 98%
 
And
 
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5
= 96%

But

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5
= 100%

And
 
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20
= 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7
= 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. 

It’s the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top. 

Now you know
why some
people are where they are!

New Baby

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 95 year old friend of mine was able to give birth.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.


  'May I see the new baby?' I asked.

'Not yet,' she said 'I'll make coffee and we can talk for a while first.'


 
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.



After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.


Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.


'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded.

'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'


'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, OK?!'

The Journey

This was sent to me from our friend Meredith from New Twist, After All These Years and I thought it was a lovely way to start out our week.  Hope you agree.

 

THE ELEPHANT'S JOURNEY TO PAY RESPECT,

BUT HOW DID THEY KNOW?

Lawrence Anthony, a legend in South Africa and author of 3 books including the bestseller, The Elephant Whisperer.

He bravely rescued wildlife and rehabilitated elephants all over the globe from human atrocities, including the courageous rescue of Baghdad ’s Zoo animals during US invasion in 2003.

 

On March 7, 2012 Lawrence Anthony died.

He is remembered and missed by his wife, 2 sons, 2 grandsons, and numerous elephants.

 

Two days after his passing, the wild elephants showed up at his home led by two large matriarchs.

Separate wild herds arrived in droves to say goodbye to their beloved 'man-friend'.

A total of 31 elephants had patiently walked over 12 hours to get to his South African House. 

 

Witnessing this spectacle, humans were obviously in awe not only because of the supreme intelligence and precise timing that these elephants sensed about Lawrence 's passing, but also because of the profound memory and emotion the beloved animals evoked in such an organized way: Walking slowly,  making their way in a solemn one-by-one queue from their habitat to his house.

 

Lawrence's wife, Francoise, was especially touched, knowing that the elephants had not been to his house prior to that day for 1 1/2 years!

But yet they knew where they were going.

 

The elephants obviously wanted to pay their deep respects, honouring their friend who had saved their lives - so much respect that they stayed for 2 days 2 nights without eating anything.

 

Then one morning, they left, making their long journey back home.

 

SOMETHING IN THE UNIVERSE IS GREATER

AND DEEPER THAN HUMAN INTELLIGENCE!

Request

 

For those of you who haven't heard...our Minelle’s mom who has been very ill,  lost her battle last night and has now begun her new journey.  Minelle and her family were with her mom to help ease her on her way.

Please join me in sending prayers of comfort and healing energy for Minelle and her family.

Cooking Instructions

 

Could any of you learn from this lesson?