Lovemaking Tips for Seniors

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle....

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 111 (911 in the US) on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have oxygen ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want- the neighbours are all deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

Courtesy of  Dawn French Fan Club