Something for the Guys

When I turned 90 I thought my life was over but then…
I discovered how great it is to be 90!

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I went to the drug store and told told clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”
I said "Nah….She's purty good lookin'…"
When you’re 90…who cares?

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I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”
I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”
Cost me 6 stitches, but…
When you’re 90…who cares?

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I was telling a woman in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then…try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a fat lip, but…
When you’re 90…who cares?

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I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you’re 90…who cares?

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I went to the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but…
When you’re 90…who cares???