Why Athletes Can’t Have Regular Jobs

 
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:

"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

 
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

 
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"

Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

 
4. Torrin Polk,University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:

"He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."

 
5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

 
6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Now that is beautiful)

 
7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:

"You guys line up alphabetically by height..,"And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

 
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton..."

 
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

 
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

 
11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.  (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

 
12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:

"I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

 
13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:

"Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject."

 
14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:

"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

 
15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:

"Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye."