Golfing

ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT A PUBLIC GOLF COURSE

Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   What are your green fees?
Staff:     38 dollars.
Caller:    Does that include golf?


Staff:      Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:    Yes, I need to get some information from you.  First, is this your correct phone number?


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. What's the weather going to be like that day?


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I'm  running late.  Can you still get me out early?


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, do you have one of those areas where you  can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit  them for  practice?
Staff:     You mean a driving range?
Caller:   No, that's not it.


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between  12 o'clock and noon.
Staff:     Between 12 o'clock and noon?
Caller:   Yes.
Staff:     We'll try to squeeze you in.


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock?
Staff:     Yes, we have one at 10:15.
Caller:   What's the next time after that?
Staff:     We have one at 10:22.
Caller:   We'll take that one.  It will be a bit warmer.


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   How much to play golf today?
Staff:     25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
Caller:   38 dollars?
Staff:     No, 38 yen.


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff:     What time would you like?
Caller:   What times do you have?
Staff:     What time of the day?
Caller:   Any time.
Staff:     Morning or afternoon?
Caller:   Whenever.
Staff:     We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?
Caller:   No, I don't think any of those times will work for me.


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Do you have a dress code?
Staff:     Yes, we do.  We require soft spikes.
Caller:   How about clothes?
Staff:     Yes, you have to wear clothes.


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff:     Yes.
Caller:   How much for a bucket of large balls?
Staff:     Sorry, we're all out of large balls.   But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same  price.


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?
Staff:     Sure, what time would you like?
Caller:   Something between 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock.  In the morning, if possible.


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Do you rent golf clubs there?
Staff:     Yes, they're 25 dollars.
Caller:   How much to rent a bag?


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he's on the 15th hole.  How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff:     Yes.
Caller:   How much for a large bucket?
Staff:     Four dollars.
Caller:   Does that include the balls?


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff:     Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock.
Caller:   And what time does that start?


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   Yes, I'd like some info about your golf  course.
Staff:     OK, what would you like to know?
Caller:   I don't know, that's why I called.


Staff:     Golf course, may I help you?
Caller:   My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and  said they stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back?
 

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Three ladies are playing the 4th hole at the golf course in Hampton, New Brunswick when a naked man wearing a bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.


The 3 ladies look and are in shock at the size of his manhood.
 

The first lady says, "Well he definitely is not my husband."
 

The second lady looks at his manhood and says, "He for sure is not my husband." 
 
 
The third lady takes a good long look and says.  " He's not even a member of this club". And just how would she know!?!