Instructions

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.  He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question.  When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked,  "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

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A blonde goes to the hospital.  "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.

"Something is terribly wrong,  I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

The Doctor takes a look, chuckles and says "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the stickers off the bananas."

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He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forwards then backwards, forward then backwards, again and again. 
 

Back and forth, back and forth...And, in and out, in and out...And, a little to the right, a little to the left... 

 
She could feel the sweat on her forehead and between her breasts, and trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end. 
 
 
Her heart was pounding...Her face was flushed...Then she moaned, softly at first, and then began to groan louder. 
 

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, "OK, OK!   So I can't parallel park!   You do it, you smug bastard!"