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Sunday, April 28, 2013

Update on Mom

Had a long talk with our doctor about Mom. She told me that the doctor had told her the gout had crystallized in her joints and caused arthritis…nope, he didn’t say that. Then she told me that the doctor told her she had broken vertebrae…nope, he didn’t say that. Later in the conversation, she told me it wasn’t the doctor but one of the nurses who told her she had cracked vertebrae right before she left the hospital…nope again! Never said anything like that and there is nothing like that in her records!
 
Bottom line? The doctor told her the pain she’s experiencing in her neck and shoulders (that originally had her calling for an ambulance) was probably due to her favoring one side of her body as she was walking and sleeping, while trying to protect her gouty toe. So she had a stiff neck…she focused on the pain which caused it to feel worse which caused her to focus on the pain…vicious circle…the more she focused on the pain and felt there was something more wrong, the worse she felt. After she coded, she was laying in bed and of course, not working on those muscles so they continued to be knotted.
 
Mom is still insisting something is wrong and wanting to know why she is in so much pain. *sigh*
 
The doctor thinks she can’t tolerate the idea that all of the suffering she’s gone through might be due to nothing more than a very bad stiff neck. 
 
Now, in rehab, she is focusing on her pain pills…claims that she calls for a pain pill when it’s due and they keep her waiting for 1 to 1 ½ hours so her pain always gets ahead of her and that even when she gets the pills on time, that the pain is just knocked down to tolerable but not knocked out. And because she can’t get the pain knocked out, she can’t work harder in therapy…doesn’t understand why they don’t just give her the pain pills every 4 hours as they are supposed to! *humpf*
 
I tried to tell her that the pain pills are only to be given when she is in pain and can be given 4 hours after the last pill but they are not to be automatically given every 4 hours. She informs me I am wrong, the doctor said they were to be given every 4 hours since she is in so much pain.
 
Yesterday, after I spent quite a bit of the day paying her bills, checking on her apartment, picking up things for her and running her errands, she got very angry at me because I had not started her car and let it run while I was at her apartment. She keeps fussing about how she’s going to drive and is her car even going to start! I told her not to worry about the darn car…until she can get herself in/out of bed, dressed and walk to the bathroom, she isn’t going anywhere. I know, I shouldn’t have but lord love a duck, I had just had all I could handle…she got so angry at me…told me she had to rest and I needed to leave...refused to speak with me or even say goodbye.
 
Didn’t call me all day today when normally she phones at least 3-4 times but finally called this evening…informed me that she forgave me for being unreasonable yesterday and that after I finish meeting with the rehab therapists tomorrow evening for the evaluation of my arm/shoulder (either torn muscles or rotator cup), I can go to her apartment and let her car run for at least 15 minutes…preferably 30.  *sigh*   My youngest son said to tell her I did it…once she gets out of rehab, if her car doesn’t start, we can call AAA to jump it. Think he has the right idea!  LOL
 
As far as my stomach issues and fatigue, the doctor thinks that's me not taking enough ‘me’ time and stressing myself which I have been doing even prior to the problems with Mom. 
 
Doc has told me to breathe, try to stay calm and take time for myself but it’s hard when mom’s calling every day and wanting this and that. If I don’t answer, she will leave a message and if I haven’t returned her call within 10 minutes, she either calls my cell phone or calls my youngest son and asks him to text me to make sure I’m ok.  Doesn’t matter that I could be on the phone with work or a friend! *sigh*  

I know, lots of sighing going on around here. 

Added to all this is a huge project at work which, thanks to the developers, is behind by two weeks…so our testing time is being cut down in order to make up time…testing is not cut back…just testing time!
 
A HUGE THANK YOU to all you lovely people who have emailed, texted, phoned and left uplifting comments. The many prayers, positive and healing energy, and good wishes are so very much appreciated.  I promise to try and get everyone answered this week!
 
I have been able to read some of your blog posts and really enjoyed them…just haven’t had time for commenting. Of course, if you want my *cough* “wise” *snort* comment on something you have written, just email me with which post it is, I will try to get over at leave words of wisdom. ROFLMBO

BTW...one of these days, I will get caught on up replying to the comments here...of course, at the rate I'm going, it could be next year. LOL


 
For ALL of you wonderful ladies and gentlemen in blog land!
 
braver stronger smarter



Huge HUGS and Blessings to all of you!

19 comments:

  1. I feel for you - I took care of both my parents when they were ill. Thankfully I was able to laugh a lot with Nick - not that things were funny, but the laughing still helped. I really blew up at mom once because she didn't want any help to come in. After I blew up I apologized, but told her we were doing thing my way until she was well enough to do it herself. I did a lot of sighing too.

    Anyway you could work it out with the rehab place to provide placebo for every other pain pill? Sometimes just knowing/thinking she was taking something might really help.

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  2. I'll take the hugs and blessings but you need the more.

    PK actually has a good idea. Your mom feels alone and that no one cares how much pain she is in - it doesn't matter that she isn't, she believes she is so the placebo angle might just work.

    It's hard work caring for our loved ones and I wish you all the best on getting through it while still taking care of yourself. You can't let the situation make you ill.

    Prayers go out to all of you.

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  3. Glad to see news. xoxo Thinking and hoping for good news each day.

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  4. Hey Cat, thank you for taking the time to update us. You have so much on your plate and the moment. It definitely is hard caring for loved ones. I too agree with PK and Sunny about talking to them about giving your Mom placebo pain killers.

    I know the pressures you are under are unavoidable at present, but please, try and take some time out for yourself and look after yourself. We don't want your health suffering. Don't worry about blogland, we understand you can't reply to all comments/emails or read at the moment and will be here when you are ready.

    Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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  5. Happy to hear from you. Sorry that it is still so difficult. Often if people would just take their stubbornness that they have to stay in the 'bad' spot and direct it to getting out of it, life would be so much better quicker ( no comment about the writer of this comment please *wink*). I have noticed this far too often with some seniors. The good news is, that things are going to be okay if she lets them right?

    Sounds like you son is a great support !
    I hope things with work improve soon, as does you Mom. As for YOU, well you have to find away to heal yourself too. Praying that you accept and put into play the solution to do that.
    willie

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  6. Ah Cat, you sound so completely tuckered. Yes, you need somehow to get a few days off of mom taking care of everything for your mom. I like to think that when moms get super ornery, it's a good sign that they are on the mend. You need some mend time too. Take it...even if you have to make something up for her on how you won't be available for a couple days.

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  7. Oh how I feel your pain! She's frustrated, she's losing her freedom from herself, losing her independence and craving "sensible" explanations for this. My mom fought through it terribly even though in her case she was terminal. Half of me understood her battle to be released from her prison, while the other half wanted to strangle every last breath out if her!

    Now, I am somebody who is extremely accident prone. When I get hurt, I go all out and get hurt big time! I also get monstrous stuff necks that last for about a week. Mine radiates from a huge knot alongside my spine in the neck muscle. Needless to say, I keep painkillers "in stock". I'm not a doctor and only know what works for me. The painkillers distract me for a bit, interrupting the pain. They do nothing to make it better. For me, 600-800 mg of ibuprofen like clockwork every 6-8 hours works well. It reduces the swelling a but, which loosens the angry muscle and allows it to heal itself. It breaks that perpetuating cycle of pain/swelling/immobility. It still hurts! By each day it gets a little better.

    Prayers for both of you in this very stressful time!

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    Replies
    1. And please take some time for yourself. It's so hard to slow down and breathe but you'll be so grateful for those moments of calmishness.

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  8. You must take time for YOU. I hope you can soon. You sound exhausted. That's so tough when everyone needs you. I'm sorry cat.

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  9. Oh my, Cat. SO much on your plate right now! Your mom doesn't sound like the easiest patient;) but thank goodness the pain wasn't caused by one of her more serious theories. I do hope that you get some downtime soon to recuperate yourself! ((hugs))

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  10. Thanks for the update Cat. I'm so sorry you have such a full plate right now! Wish there was some way I could help you out. I feel for you and your mom. I hope you can find some time just for you, constant stress will take a huge toll on your health. Don't worry about answering your comments! Of course we'd love to hear your replies, but I'm sure everyone understands if you can't get to it. Nobody here wants to add to your stress or to-do list. I add my well wishes and prayers for you and your mom. Hope things settle down for you both very soon. HUGS!!

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  11. I'm sorry things are so stressful right now Cat. Between your mom and her issues (health and otherwise...like the car) and your own health issues and then with a deadline breathing down your neck at work it's understandable that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! (((hugs)))

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  12. Thank-you for the update. I am sorry to hear that you are still struggling at this time. Please try to take some time for yourself. Hugs to you, Terps

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  13. Don't be a door mat. Not even for your mom. Set some boundaries and take some time for yourself. Who knows, there may be something else wrong with your mom. You never can tell.

    For now? Put your feet up and relax a little.

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  14. So big dork that I am...I emailed my comment to you and forgot to write it here.
    You know all of us are with you in spirit cheering you on. It is hard.I am very involved with my parents and I know how frightened and vulnerable they feel. The power over their own lives is becoming less and less.
    However the power over your life is actually also being impacted. So I send you all my prayers and good thoughts. Please relax some of the time when you are able.

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  15. Cat,

    If ya need me, ya call me. You just have to take a bit of time for you. Try letting your youngest know ahead of time that you aren't going to answer her. She is in a good place. The worst that is going to happen is she is going to throw a hissy fit. Better there than at home.

    Love ya
    Dana

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  16. Sorry you still have a lot on your plate. Its such hard work caring for loved ones, I know but as the doc days you need you time.

    You and your family are in my thoughts.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  17. Yes, definitely take some time for you! {{{HUGS}}} All I could hear was my mother when you said she called, forgave you for your part, hmph, and then told you that you could go and start her car for her. So glad to have permission for that, eh? I am so sorry she is stressing you out. I agree, let your family know not to take texts or calls from her for a few days. She needs to realize you have a lot to do, and she is being taken care of there. You trust the doctors and nurses to take care of her. I hope you can get a day soon to relax, even if it's just with the television. {{{HUGS}}}

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  18. Oh Cat, super big prayers and super big hugs! I know a little of the frustration that you're going through with my own mom, although mine is more like she doesn't get simple concepts so it's like dealing with a child, and she freaks out about things. Please listen to everyone else and take care of yourself. And remember the serenity prayer about knowing what things you can change, and not being affected. And I'm here if you need to vent! Hang in there!

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