Letter to My Guardian Angel

 

My darling Guardian Angel,
It's the 11th of January and you’ve been gone a year today.  I sit here all alone at night and keep reminding myself, you’re with your awesome family in a better place. I smile thinking how happy y’all are with so much joy, love and laughter in your hearts.  I struggle with why the good Lord left me alone and what his plans are for me but guess it's not time for me to know.
 
I still miss your wicked grin that always brought me to my knees and your eyes that saw into my very soul. I ache for your arms that held me tight and kept me so safe and warm. My heart is slowly healing, and I know that I’ll be all right because to do any less would be an insult to you and to what we had.
 
Although you’re no longer with me, sometimes I feel you near so I know you’re watching over me. You know how I’m doing – some days better than others.  Ok, I’m struggling with the rules and some have been broken.  Yes I can just hear you whisper in my ear, “Woman! Pushin' your luck!” But what do you expect? You know I’m not a leader. Hey, I am trying!
 
I know that when I was looking for help for Karen you guided me to the wonderful people I have found in blog land. They give me the acceptance, love, fun, companionship and support I had with your family. Since you’re watching, you also know that though I may not have the physical hugs, I have received so many virtual hugs that I can feel them.  You would love each and every one of them and there are some HoH’s here that you would sooooo get along with.

I will keep living, loving,  and enjoying life. I will also keep trying to follow your rules but…

Love Always,
Cat


Music has always been a part of my life and touches me deeply.  Matthew and I were constantly sending each other songs to convey different messages. Here is the last song Matthew sent to me. Hope you enjoy it.

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end,
You're still my friend at least we didn't tend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
I'm still looking up

I won't give up on us
God knows I'm tough, he knows
We got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up...

To my blog land family who have been so welcoming, loving, and supportive, Thank you. Y’all are awesome!

But not as broken as it was before I found y'all. Healing a bit more each day.